How the Socialist Grinch Almost Stole the 4th of July

socialist grinch

JUST OUTSIDE AMERICAVILLE – The Socialist Grinch was a bitter, ungrateful member of Grinch Lives Matter, who lived next to Mount Trumpit and overlooked the states of Americaville. Each 4th of July, he seethed inside as Americaville celebrated her freedom and independence.

Citizens of Americaville celebrated with fireworks, parades, baseball, beer, cookouts, and friends. It was a happy occasion each year, but he couldn’t understand what was so great about Americaville that was worth celebrating. You see, the Socialist Grinch was a product of the university system, where he had been taught to hate Americaville.

His professors taught him that because of Americaville’s past, it needed to be burned down and rebuilt into something that would never live up to even their expectations. Even though Americaville was filled with freedom and opportunity, angry members of Grinch Lives Matter had skipped all of their history classes. All they understood was violence.

So, after crafting a sinister plan, the Socialist Grinch used a pandemic scare to take away public fireworks displays, parades, baseball, and cookouts with more than 10 people present, from the country he hated. He imposed fines for not wearing masks. He toppled statues, torched businesses and blocked traffic. And he branded anyone a racist who didn’t see Americaville the same way he did.

The Socialist Grinch grinned after he had done all these things to the citizens. He sat with his loyal dog, Fauci, next to him. “You just wait,” the Socialist Grinch snarled. “The MAGA idiots will be realizing soon that there will be no 4th of July this year. Not until they pay us reparations. Not until we destroy their history. Not until Colin Kaepernick is back in the NFL. We’ll make every person in Americaville as miserable as we are. That’s the only way things can be fair in this world.”

But then, from down below, he heard a firework explode. It started off low. Then it started to grow. Gratitude to the country’s forefathers, and all who have fought to protect Americaville and keep it the greatest nation in the history of the world, began to be felt. He heard beer cans opening. The Star Spangled Banner being played. Friends gathering. Why, he hadn’t stopped the 4th of July at all. It came just the same.

Then, the Socialist Grinch began to feel funny. Perhaps there’s something to this patriotism thing after all, he thought. And it was at that moment that his heart began to gr…….No, it didn’t. He had never understood it and he never would. He was so full of hate that he couldn’t see straight. It really was a bummer, since we were all hoping for a happy ending.

So the citizens of Americaville told the Socialist Grinch to shove it, and they celebrated because they knew how good they had it, even if those like the Grinch did not.

Dejected, the Socialist Grinch decided that since it was still summer, maybe he could ruin Margaritaville instead? He began by closing all the bars…but that’s another story.


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