Impeachment Witnesses Worry Maybe They Weren’t Arrogant Enough

WASHINGTON – Now that open impeachment hearings have concluded, many of the “star” witnesses who appeared before Adam Schiff’s Quid Pro Quo Show worry that maybe they weren’t arrogant enough during their testimony.

They were supposed to bring down President Trump. They failed to move the needle on public opinion in favor of impeachment, and may have done more damage to their side in the process. Each of the witnesses assured the nation that they were smarter than everyone else. That they knew better than the president when it came to foreign affairs.

Now, regrets are starting to seep out. They’re all expressing dismay that maybe they could’ve been even more arrogant and condescending than they already were.

Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman expressed surprise that his smugness didn’t hurt the president more. “Looking back, I maybe could have done more to come across as the arrogant prick that I am on the job. I mean, as God’s gift to the government and our military, I assumed my testimony was all that needed to be said on the issue. I know what I thought I overheard. It’s unlikely, in my opinion, but maybe I fell short.”

arrogant

Witness Dr. Fiona Hill: “I laid on my accent pretty thick to sound more intelligent. The liberals thought I was brilliant, but those on the right appear to have seen through my BS. They’d understand, if only they were as smart as me.”

Ambassador Gordon Sondland: “I might have relied too heavily on my smirking. I’m now hearing from people that arrogance and smirking are not very popular with the American people. Who knew?”

State Dept. witness David Holmes: “You can tell I’m arrogant just by looking at me. That’s part of my charm. But you always wonder if you could have been an even bigger Deep State douchebag after the fact. I don’t know. I rarely second guess myself since I’m never wrong.”

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