AMES – Residents of this town and others in Iowa are currently being overrun by a swarm of 2020 Democratic presidential hopefuls. Worried residents have so far reported 19 sightings of the unwelcome varmints, and many are praying the pests move on soon before they destroy everything.
Willy Turnbull, who lives in Cedar Rapids, expressed his concern. “They’re freakin’ everywhere! I saw several here yesterday. I know Democrats have that ‘hive mind’ mentality, but my skin crawls when I think about how many are concentrated in this one state at the same time.”
Turnbull has a sign in his yard that reads “I’ll Take Insecticide Over Infanticide!”
Jeanette Culpepper is another worried Iowan. “We placed red MAGA hats around the perimeter of our home to keep them away from our place. Oh sure, they’ll come around, spreading their campaign cliches, you know, promising to save the world. But all they do is mess things up and move on. I would definitely call this an infestation, yeah.”
Republicans in the state are hoping the swarm disperses soon on its own. Iowa officials confirm that the best remedy is to neutralize the queen of the group, but the only queen they have is Mayor Pete Bootajudge.
With June being Gay Pride month, that tactic is unlikely to be tried on the mayor.