TEHRAN – Hapless Florida sheriff Scott Israel, at the center of incompetence involved in failing to stop the Parkland school shooting recently, was surprised to receive a threat from Iran’s Supreme Leader on Twitter today. The Iranian government has now admitted it was a mistake.
The nation’s leader, Ali Khamenei, said, “Our bad. We saw ‘Israel’ and it was force of habit. We tweeted to this Florida sheriff today, threatening him with total and utter annihilation and said we would wipe him from the face of the Earth, but we should have read the news reports more carefully. We skimmed the papers and didn’t catch that he was not THE Israel.”
“We go a little crazy whenever we see the word Israel these days. Our apologies to Sheriff Israel and his family, although he might seriously consider a name change to keep a mix-up like this from happening again in the future.”
Khamenei also said that while he still wants to destroy the nation of Israel, he holds no ill will toward the sheriff. “I understand the sheriff was at least partly responsible for the deaths of 17 schoolchildren by not doing more to have prevented their bloodshed. But here, we kill children all the time. I’m sure he has his reasons for not doing his job. The nation of Iran wishes him well.”