Jeff Sessions Wonders What It Would Be Like to Be Attorney General

WASHINGTON – Thinking out loud at a dinner with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein last night, Attorney General Jeff Sessions wondered what it would be like to actually be Attorney General.

“That would be something,” Sessions said. “Think of all the good you could do and all the corruption you could stop. There’s a ton of people who deserve to be behind bars right now, and as Attorney General you could really hand out some long overdue justice.”

Rosenstein didn’t look up and continued quietly eating his salad. Rod knows that Sessions’ not realizing he IS Attorney General is the main reason he and many of his friends are still walking the streets. He quickly said a silent prayer, hoping that Sessions never realizes that he is, in fact, in charge.


“And I don’t mean in name only,” Sessions continued, “Hell, I could do that. But if you were a Attorney General that actually did your job. Someone who really prosecuted those who have gotten away with so many felonies in the past. That would be some real power and I’d love to know what that feels like.”

Jeff then told Rosenstein he was still crossing his fingers that he’d get that call from President Trump someday. Rod never said a word, but texted Robert Mueller under the table, “Cover almost blown, but he’s still oblivious. Dumbass.” At that point, Sessions recused himself from the table.


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