Jen Psaki Issues Preferred Descriptors For Those Stranded In Afghanistan


WASHINGTON – Biden spokesgal Jen Psaki takes issue with the term “stranded” when it comes to Americans stranded in Afghanistan. Because being stranded is not nearly as scary if you don’t define yourself as stranded. Personally, Psaki’s preferred descriptor is “hopelessly delayed.”

When those at the Kabul Airport heard this news, they were relieved. Many were said to be less fearful of a torturous death at the hands of the “Tollybon” after hearing Psaki’s new definitions.

Jen got her panties twisted when FNC’s Peter Doocy called stranded Americans ‘stranded.’ “These people are not stranded! That is irresponsible to say that. The S.S. Minnow and her crew were ‘stranded’ on Gilligan’s Island. The people in Afghanistan are not even on an island!”

Psaki then gave a list of terms she was more comfortable with when describing those currently stranded in Afghanistan. “You could say they’re cut off (no pun intended), ignored, neglected, sacrificed, abandoned, left in the lurch…even left high and dry – it is a mountainous and arid region, after all. How dare you refer to them as stranded, Peter! What’s wrong with you?”

President Joke Biden gave another speech today and godforsaken Americans at the Kabul Airport were calmed by the White House’s focus on them. Biden put those he turned his back on right behind updates on his Build Back Better agenda and election integrity laws. Then he took no questions. Good luck to those stranded.


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2 Thoughts to “Jen Psaki Issues Preferred Descriptors For Those Stranded In Afghanistan

  1. My entire opinion of Jen Psaki has changed. What a wonderful wordsmith she is! I thought she was just some nice-looking red-headed bimbo they found working outside Foggy Bottom! She is deeper than the Marianas Trench! What insight, what verve, what a berkah!

    1. E. Williams

      If only we were as smart as she is. I have to look up stranded every time I hear it to see what it means that particular day.

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