WASHINGTON – As he prepares to assume the presidency, Joe Biden is already planning changes to our government structure. One addition he wants to make – the creation of the Department of Feigned Democratic Outrage.
“We need a central agency that controls narratives, releases talking points, and perpetuates double standards. One that ensures that Democrats ALWAYS jumps the shark when it comes to faking outrage at our opponents,” a weary looking Biden told reporters.
“For instance, just this week, President Trump held a rally that was followed by minimal violence on Capitol Hill. When carried out by Republicans, violence can be very dangerous, as you know. But instead of denouncing the events and moving on, Speaker Pelosi has moved to impeach and remove the president immediately. Yes, I know the president leaves office in less than 2 weeks. That’s classic overreaction by a Democratic leader. Classic shark jumping. Nancy should be applauded for that.”
The new agency will not be bound by ethics, facts, logic, or common sense. “Democrats have never been bound by those things before. I’ll be damned if it’s going to start under my administration. Come on, man!”
‘Secondary outrage,’ exhibited when Democrats commit a wrongful act, then act more outraged at the reaction to it from Republicans, will have its own division. As will The Office of Democratic Projection, a favorite of the party in which they accuse others of doing exactly what they themselves are guilty of.
According to Biden aides, any Democrat or Never-Trumper would be suitable to run the department. James Comey and Maxine Waters have been floated as possible nominees for the new cabinet position.