Joe Biden Files Restraining Order Against The Kraken


WASHINGTON – Joe Biden is getting nervous about a monster called “The Kraken.” He’s nervous that the creature may derail his attempts to get into the White House again. In fact, he’s so nervous that he’s filed a restraining order in federal court against the beast.

“That lawyer, Sidney Powell, has threatened to release the Kraken on me,” Biden told reporters. “That freaks me out, man. Have you seen this thing? I watched a fascinating movie from the ’80’s the other day. Clash of the Titans, I believe it was. Wonderful documentary. But when that thing was released, I shat myself right there on the sofa. It wasn’t even wearing a mask! I called my lawyers the next morning. Asked, ‘How can we stop this from happening to my administration?'”

Joe admitted he’s even been avoiding going near his pool since seeing the monster in the movie.

“Perseus faired well against the Kraken in the movie, but I started thinking, ‘How could I stop this thing if Powell really unleashed it?’ I would need the heads of either Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Kamala, or Hillary Clinton to be able to defeat that thing! And I need all four of them to help me wreck this country.”

Biden asked Hillary if he could borrow her head for a potential national security issue.

Biden said his lawyers explained that a restraining order seemed like the best solution. “I may not have the heads of one of those women at the moment, but I do have the DC Superior Courts. They’ve got my back and I feel pretty good about our chances, should something happen.”

The restraining order goes into effect immediately, and bars The Kraken from coming within 25 miles of the District of Columbia or the state of Delaware.


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