Joe Biden: If I Were President, I’d Call In Those Starship Troopers To Put End To Riots

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden, the intellectual leader of the Democratic Party, doesn’t think President Trump is serious about ending the violence and rioting that has exploded in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. He disagrees with the step-by-step approach the president has taken.

“If it were me,” Biden said, “I wouldn’t fool around with having cops and state troopers first, then adding the National Guard, then threatening to bring in the military. Man, I’d bring in those Starship Troopers right off the bat. Those guys that beat back the alien bugs? We could end this violence in one night.”

The 2020 candidate seemed confused as to why President Trump has chosen not to activate the Starship Trooper fleet. “They’re all ready to go. They’re the main branch in his Space Force. Why not use it? I guarantee that Rico would clean up our streets in no time! Dude’s a badass!”

starship troopers
Doogie, telling the alien bug how he met its mother.

“And the way Doogie Howser tamed that giant worm thing at the end of the Starship Trooper movie? You know…..the thing? He wouldn’t have any trouble putting a few unruly looters in their place.”

Biden went on to praise the brilliant acting, dialogue, and cinematography of the Troopers’ movie. “I’d put it right up there with Tremors. It’s the most realistic portrayal of a top-notch fighting force that I’ve ever seen. And I’ve been around a while. I just don’t understand what the president’s waiting for.”


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