Joe Biden Tells Looter: If You Don’t Vote For Me, You Ain’t A Looter

DELAWARE – Presidential candidate Joe Biden had a “properly-distanced” heart-to-heart with a rioter in Wilmington on Sunday. To show he was down for the struggle, Biden took a knee during the convo. He listened intently as the man spoke of injustices and pain that he and many others are feeling right now.

The unknown man’s son was nearby and witnessed the exchange.

Looter: Hey, man, you look just like us with your mask on. You gonna loot some liquor stores with us later tonight?

Biden: Not today, man. Maybe another time. Can I ask you though if you plan on voting this November?

Looter: Nah, never have. Don’t know how. The only way I could possibly vote is if someone mailed me a ballot with your name already checked off that I could turn around and mail back in.

Biden: We’re working on that. Real hard, my man. You hang in there.

Looter: I’ve heard some people even say, ‘If you can loot in person, you can vote in person.’ But I don’t get the analogy.

Biden: Don’t listen to them. I’ve got your back. And if I win the White House, I’ll make every day a looter’s paradise. You people can go butt wild whenever and wherever you want to! Just stay away from the White House, you know what I’m sayin’?

Looter: Cool, cool. I don’t think I’d have a problem voting for you then.

Biden: Hey, man, like I always say, ‘If you don’t know whether to vote for me or Trump, you ain’t a looter. (Both men laughed)

Before leaving, Joe said he hoped to do some major looting of his own in the near future, but said he’d have to win the White House first to do that.


Biden: “I wanted to tell this fine young man, ‘Don’t stand, don’t stand, don’t stand so close to me.’ But then I’d be quoting the Police. Probably not a good move at that moment.”


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