WASHINGTON – US President Joke Biden is a grateful man this week. During an interview with George Stephanopoulos, the president reflected on some of the things that surprised him this past week.
“George, I was surprised to learn the Tollybon were still a thing in Afghanistan. I was surprised that some think I’m responsible for people who live in that god-forsaken land. But what surprised me the most, is that no one has had any questions for me regarding this whole Afghanistan crisis. I mean, you’re the first one to ask me about it, George.”
“Actually, Mr. President, you refused to take questions from shouting reporters and walked away from the podium,” Stephanopoulos replied. “You’ve ignored the American people twice, in fact, just this week by turning your back on them.”
“Shut the front door, George!” Biden shot back, his face turning a Trump-orange color. “You must be watching a different speech. After I blamed everyone but myself for the plight of the Afghan people, I stood there for the longest time and no one asked a single question. It was probably, like, 20 minutes, but it felt like an hour. It really confused me, but Jill said I did great.”
Biden said he took the lack of questions as a sign that Americans approved of his dereliction of duty. “I did have a dream the other day, during one of my naps, where reporters were shouting questions at me. Thank goodness it was a dream.”
“That wasn’t a dream, Mr. President,” George said. “Don’t you think you owe the country some answers about the Afghanistan crisis? What about all the Americans trapped by the ‘Tollybon’ at this very moment…who are fearing for their lives?”
“I’ve got a question for you, George. How many ice cream shops do you think there are in all of Afghanistan?”