CALIFORNIA – Joe Biden promises to cure cancer. Elizabeth Warren promises to cure the scourge of her American Indian people, smallpox. Bernie Sanders vows to cure capitalism. Beto wants to cure male whiteness. Kamala Harris needed a hook. Now, she has one.
“If elected, within my first term, we will rid the country of resting bitch face (RBF),” Harris matter-of-factly told a rally crowd this weekend. “I myself have suffered from that debilitating ailment all of my adult life. So I know first hand that it’s extremely difficult to fake a nice smile when you’re just not feeling it. The hardest is when I’m campaigning, or pandering to potential voters like you people.”
Harris pointed out to her audience that resting bitch face currently afflicts millions on both sides of the aisle. “We’re so polarized these days and, especially as Democrats, we’re just pissed all the time about everything, right? It’s no wonder this condition has become an epidemic.”
She blamed President Trump for the disorder, along with every other problem that exists in the world. Kamala concluded her remarks by reminding the audience that she wouldn’t cure the facial condition unless she gets elected in 2020. The promise is her incentive to voters.
Just before she exited the stage, Harris asked the crowd, “By the way, how many people does a girl have to sleep with to get this damn nomination anyway?! Good grief I’m tired.” The audience cheered.