WASHINGTON – Vice President Kamala Harris triumphantly returned from Afghanistan today, where she presented the keys to the country to leaders of the Taliban. The informal ceremony is being hailed as another foreign policy victory by spokesgal Jen Psaki.
“Last night, VP Harris tossed oversized keys from a low-flying aircraft as it flew over a complex housing Taliban leadership. The large keys are merely a symbol and will not fit any actual locks anywhere in Afghanistan. I want to make that very clear to media outlets, just so there is no confusion.
The turning over of the keys to Afghanistan will insure a peaceful transfer to the bloodshed, beheadings, hangings of gays, stonings, rapes, and suicide bombings that have been lacking in that region since the Obama years.”
Psaki acknowledged that Donald Trump’s policies made it more difficult for the Taliban to carry out a reign of terror. “And as with any policy promoted by the previous administration, we’re happy to be able to do the opposite. To the innocent people of Afghanistan…..you’re welcome.”
In a statement upon her return, Kamala said, “It seemed only fitting to hand over the keys once the Taliban invaded their capital, Kabul. I mean, at that point (starts cackling) it’s pretty much game over, am I right?!”
Harris also said the keys were tied to some conditions. Taliban officials have promised the Biden/Harris regime they will 1) take a more compassionate approach to the way they torture citizens and 2) take climate change more seriously. “I take them at their word,” Kamala added.