Kavanaugh Accuser Pens ‘Senate Hearings For Dummies’ Book

PALO ALTO – Christine Blasey Ford, the accuser of President Trump’s supreme court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, has written the latest in the “Dummies” book collection: Senate Hearings for Dummies. She wrote the book during her down time while stalling to commit to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

In a bid to stop him from becoming a Justice on the highest court, Ford has accused Kavanaugh of getting handsy at a party in the early ’80’s. Here are a few excerpts from the book:

It’s best to not have ANY corroborating witnesses. This lets the defendant know that your charge against them is so severe that all witnesses made themselves forget the incident.

Refuse to travel to testify, except by bike. Even if it takes weeks to get there, it’s the most environmentally-friendly way.

Make demands. Remember, as the accuser, you call the shots.

Be specific. I demanded no green M&M’s on my desk during any testimony I give.

Enlist the help of Hollywood celebrities. They’ll make ridiculously stupid PSA’s on your behalf, but they’ll look good doing it.

If you start to feel the public pressure building on you and your family, constantly remind yourself of all that money you’ll make on book deals and a movie.

Be indecisive as to whether you’ll testify or not. Remember, the Senate revolves around you. Don’t let them make you reschedule that hair appointment next Tuesday!

Wait as many decades as you can before coming forward. It makes an event that happened to kids in every high school in America in the 1980’s seem more dramatic.

As an accuser, remind yourself that the whole ‘innocent until proven guilty’ thing has been done to death. You have the right to ruin anybody’s life you want.

Ford’s book is now available through Amazon and anywhere else books are sold. Ironically, the cost is $36. A buck for every year she waited.

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