BATON ROUGE – Millions of residents across the state will thankfully survive the incoming wrath of Hurricane Ida. And after his Afghanistan disaster, most of those Louisianans are thanking God that Joke Biden isn’t overseeing evacuation plans.
The president commented on the storm preparations today. “Nobody asked me for help, which is strange,” Biden told reporters. “I would encourage the fine people of Louisiana to shelter in place until the hurricane passes, and THEN I would urge them to get to safety. Some will tell you that’s backwards, but that strategy has been an overwhelming success in Afghanistan – as I’ve stated repeatedly.
In addition, should the state need help with law and order during the aftermath of Hurricane Ida, I know a crack squad that can put a stop to any looting that might take place. They’re called Tollybon Security. I’ve used them very recently…and have left them, no pun intended, a 5-star review on Yelp. Jen Psaki has their contact info if anybody down there is interested.”
As hundreds of thousands of residents sat in hours-long traffic jams, trying to move inland, they thanked their lucky stars that Biden has no hand in their evacuations. “Let him sign the FEMA checks, but other than that, don’t even tell him there’s a hurricane coming,” said Buford Jackson, a shrimper from Slidell. “Everything that moron touches turns to horsesh**! I wouldn’t trust him to plan my kid’s birthday party.”
Marva Winston, of Lafayette, said, “Praise Jesus that man(Biden) is not trying to help us survive this storm! I’ll trust in the good folks at AccuWeather over that buffoon any day!”
President Joke Biden has made himself quite a reputation for taking any bad situation and making it much, much worse. Hurricane Ida is coming. Louisiana, you know the drill.