LANSING – Last week, a plot to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen (Cruella) de Whitmer was foiled by law enforcement officials. The plot was planned by a far-left group of anarchists who wanted to overthrow the government.
However, the would-be kidnappers fought the law….and the law won. Still, Cruella was shaken by the revelation. So much so that she’s now hired actor Liam Neeson as her personal bodyguard.
You may remember Neeson is famous for his roles in the movies Taken, Taken 2, and Taken 3. He’s currently working on the next three movies in the franchise, Taken 4 A Ride, Taken For Granted, and Taken As Directed. The final film is set in a hospital, with Neeson directing the film as well.
“I’m told Liam has a special set of skills,” Cruella said. “And, at a minimum, if they try this kidnap thing again, Liam will call me on the phone and warn me that I’m about to be taken. I find that comforting.”
Finally, de Whitmer told Neeson she only had 3 requests that were non-negotiable. First, that his fees be paid for with Michigan taxpayer money. Two, that he always wear his Covid mask – even while fighting off potential kidnappers. And three, no matter what happens to her, the blame is to be directed only at President Trump.
Being a good liberal, Liam agreed to her terms.