LAND OF LANSING – Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer is not having a good lock-down. She’s been unpleasantly surprised at how the peasants have reacted to the authoritarian rule from her corrupt kingdom. She believes her power to be absolute as governor.
Her legislature disagrees. In fact, not only will they not allow her edict to extend Michigan’s lock-down indefinitely, but they voted today to sue the witch for abusing her power. Currently, Queen Whitmer is trying to fend off several other Democrats around the country for the title of Worst Governor in the U.S..
But Gretchen doesn’t plan to give in to the peasants she rules. “I have plenty of spells and curses that I’ll unleash on Michiganders if they continue to thwart my demands. Believe me, I will pour out my fury on this state in a way that will make the coronavirus look like a day at the beach! How dare they criticize my actions.”
Whitmer insisted that peasants will adhere to her stay-at-home command until she alone decides to lift the order. “Don’t make me go medieval on your asses,” she warned citizens on a local television station.
Incidentally, the governor, whose middle name is Cruella, is known as “That Witch From Michigan.” Seems about right.