Midterms: Registered Democrats to Receive Torches, Pitchforks After Voting


WASHINGTON – Forget those “I Voted” stickers that voters are usually offered after casting their ballot. They’re so 2016. This November, voting Democrats will each receive torches and pitchforks as they exit polling places.

The Democratic National Committee announced Sunday that the giveaway will help Democrats be ready to join their local rage mob if midterm election results do not go their way. However, DNC chairman Tom Perez stressed that voters will have to provide their own fire starter and/or kerosene.

“We can’t afford to supply everything,” Perez noted. “In addition to the complimentary torches and pitchforks, bricks and stones to throw will be available to Democrats who wish to add those items to their arsenal.”

Nelda Carpenter, an election volunteer in Baltimore, told us, “As Democrats, we never learned how to handle our emotions. That’s why we react to every issue emotionally. Our emotions control us. And our voters are so unhinged at this point, that if the midterms next month don’t turn out the way we think they should, we’re prepared to burn this mother down.”

The rage mob on the Left is now dealing with a new strain of Trump Derangement Syndrome – Kavanaugh Derangement Syndrome (KDS). The Kav’s ascension to the Supreme Court has caused Democrats across the country to perform group chants, block traffic, scream incessantly, and generally become the nation’s most annoying people.

Experts say that until Democrats start to like winning, there is no known cure for TDS or KDS.


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