NEVADA – 2020 presidential hopeful Mike Bloomberg’s road to the White House just got much tougher. In last night’s debate, Democratic rival Elizabeth Warren exposed Bloomberg’s past mocking of horse-faced lesbians, and it has cost him the coveted demographic’s vote.
No candidate has won the presidency since 1954 without first winning the endorsement of the horse-faced lesbian voting bloc. The National Horse-Faced Lesbian Union (HFLU) is so mad at Bloomberg that they’ve pulled their previous endorsement of him. The horse-faced president of the union said the group now endorses Warren for the nomination.
“We’re supporting Ms. Warren in 2020 because she was the only candidate who even mentioned horse-faced lesbians in the debate, which I found shocking,” HFLU president Rita Crowther said. “Even our favorite gay guy, Mayor Pete, failed to mention us. Guess he doesn’t want our support.”
The Warren campaign said their data suggests that horse-faced lesbians make up about 45% of the total lesbian voting bloc.
According to her campaign manager, “Elizabeth has already lost the dog-faced pony soldier vote to Joe Biden. We weren’t going to let this opportunity slip by us. I’m proud of Liz for exposing Bloomberg on this issue.”
The manager also pointed out what a big deal the HFLU endorsement is to Warren’s campaign. “Even news sites like The Barbed Wire Satire have noticed this development. That should tell you something.”