ATLANTA – In a new study, 4 out of 5 doctors now recommend ‘watching Joe Biden address Congress’ as the best cure for sleeplessness. The recommendations have even overtaken popular sleep aids like Ambien.
Biden has been spending like a drunken sailor since he became president, vowing to solve every problem by throwing money at it. Insiders say Joe is trying to see how many generations’ futures he can piss away before Kamala takes over for him.
Dr. Stanley Evans said, “The president has an uncanny ability to be both boring, while still saying nothing of substance. We’ve found that watching his speeches is the safest, best treatment for insomnia, even over drugs like Ambien and others.”
Dr. Marissa Beck, a surgeon from Chicago, said, “I had a guy last night brought in with injuries from a motorcycle wreck. The president’s speech to Congress was on in the operating room. We needed to induce a coma to reduce swelling around the patient’s brain. But before we could sedate him, he had slipped into one all by himself. The anesthesiologist said it was Biden’s speech that did the trick. Pretty amazing.”
Biden speeches are also being used by sleep centers that administer tests to determine sleep apnea cases. Patients get hooked up to sensors, then need to sleep. Data is then collected about their sleep and forwarded to their doctors.
Some researchers believe that repetitive eye rolling caused by listening to Biden’s remarks contributes to a quicker onset of drowsiness. When compared to Ambien, listening to the president is cheaper and faster in the short term.
*Disclaimer: Over the long term, the cost of sleep aids is much cheaper than the amount Biden and the Democrats want to steal from you.