SAN FRANCISCO – As if 2020 couldn’t get any more bizarre, now Nancy Pelosi has uncovered a massive, underground hair salon racket that few Americans are aware of. And despite Pelosi’s discovery, there’s no telling how deep this salon set-up goes.
The Speaker of the House claims she was lured into a San Francisco hair salon under false pretenses that she was above the law. You see, hair salons were closed down at the time due to the current coronavirus pandemic.
“I suspect this goes all the way up to President Trump,” Nancy told reporters. “It felt strange, because I knew the peasants couldn’t go in salons right now. But I’m the Speaker of the House, damn it. There are no rules for me! Anyway, foolishly, I trusted them, and that’s on me. I guess the silver lining of my public humiliation is that this evil salon racket has now been exposed.”
Once trapped inside, Pelosi says she was forced to endure a wash and blowout. The owner of the salon then recorded Pelosi going from room to room – with wet hair! – as she desperately tried to find her way out.
“It was like something you’d see in one of those Saw movies,” she said after the incident went viral. “I was set up, plain and simple. I was the victim of some sort of twisted, hair mafia scheme. And because I refused to pay their extortion fees, they sent video of my ordeal to the media. I think I’m still in shock.”
Nancy swore to launch an investigation into salon owners who try to entrap innocent politicians. “If even one speaker of the house can be saved from this kind of embarrassment, it’ll be worth it,” she insisted.