WASHINGTON – “Dear Santa, we’ve been good little Communists this year. And last year. And the year before that…” is how Nancy Pelosi began the draft of her party’s next coronavirus relief bill. “Please bring us as much pork as you can from our latest wish list.”
Pelosi went on to ask Santa for untold billions for ridiculous items. Many of which have nothing to do with Americans that are dealing with the economic blow dealt by the virus. One of the things she asked for was “a pair of glasses for my colleague Chuck Schumer that actually fit. I’m so sick of seeing them halfway down his face, hanging on the tip of his nose.”
She also gave Santa a long list of organizations to bless with gifts of money, in order to “better launder those gifts through the aforementioned entities, in order that said money be made to flow back into the Democratic Party.”
Nancy asked Santa for the gift of mail-in voting. “People mail letters to you. We should be able to mail votes in too. In addition, please include books on the best ways to commit voter fraud by using the USPS.”
Among other requests in the relief bill, she asked for millions for the Botox industry, which she referred to as ‘my very, very good friends – without whom I would literally fall apart.’
Pelosi was asked what many of her requests had to do with helping working Americans recover from this difficult time. She mumbled something incoherently, laughed, and opened another bottle of vodka.