SUPER BOWL 54 – You have to hand it to the San Francisco 49er’s. They managed to win a lot of games this year, despite their home turf being littered with used drug syringes and human waste. Many football fans don’t realize that the feces problem the city itself is having doesn’t stop at the gates to Levi’s Stadium.
Patrick Mahomes, quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs, said earlier this season, “San Fran is a really disgusting place to play. It’s tough enough scrambling, trying to avoid big linemen, looking downfield for an open receiver, while also having to watch out for piles of sh*t on the field. But they’re a great team.”
Hoping it would give them a slight advantage in this year’s Super Bowl in Miami against the Kansas City Chiefs, the 49er’s formally asked the NFL if they could have the field littered with needles and poop. The home-field advantage request was denied.
San Francisco tight end George Kittle was relieved at the decision. “I like a nice, clean field. That’s where I play better. I remember a play at home against Cleveland in October. I was having a great game, but just as I eluded a tackler after catching a screen pass from Jimmy G, this homeless guy darts across the field just in front of me. I made a sweet move to miss him, but it would have been a bigger gain had he not been in the middle of the field, during a game.”
Queen of San Francisco, Nancy Pelosi, was pissed at the decision. “First the president gets acquitted, and now this?! If I actually believed in God, I would have to seriously ask him or her, ‘Why me?!’ Personally, I see nothing wrong with having some human waste on the field. My boys (49er’s) are used to it.”
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stated the obvious. “At least this way both teams will be competing on a level playing field.”