VENTURA PARK – ‘Just Burn It.’ It’s a tagline all rioters are familiar with. To honor them, Nike just unveiled their new line of shoes for Antifa and Black Lives Matters protesters. The Nike Molotov®.
“It’s a very exciting line for the company,” Nike spokesman Colin Kaepernick announced. “If you’re trying to tear down America, it’s important to have the right shoe as your foundation. I believe the Nike Molotov is a game-changer in the riot wear industry.”
A Nike model showed off the new shoe on the 100th night of rioting in Portland. “We felt the 100th night was the perfect time to launch the new line,” a Nike executive told us.
The shoe model seemed impressed with the shoes. “They were comfortable for the first few seconds. But I recommend having several friends close by when you’re ready to take them off. These are definitely geared toward the pyromaniac and the deranged, leftist rioter.”
The Molotov® is the first of several styles in the company’s new line of riot footwear. On the heels of the Molotov will be the Nike HotFoot®, Nike 3rd Degree Burn®, Nike FlameOn®, and the Nike Accelerant®.
While the shoes may seem like a dangerous way to look cool to most, a Nike exec simply smiled and said, “Our target demographic for these shoes isn’t that bright.”