BEAVERTON – Nike, the Oregon-based athletic apparel and shoe giant, has decided to update its brand. The company just announced that social justice anthem-kneeler Colin Kaepernick will be the face of their 30th anniversary marketing campaign.
The campaign centers on alienating millions of loyal customers by disrespecting the American flag, the national anthem, and police officers everywhere. Thus, the new slogan, “Just Disrespect It,” replaces the familiar “Just Do It” that’s known worldwide.
In addition to the new slogan, Nike is using the following tagline to go along with it: “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything. But be sure to bank at least $20 mil first. It makes sacrificing everything a lot easier.”
A Nike spokesperson said that suggesting Kaepernick’s sacrifices were comparable to an American soldier’s sacrifice of giving their life for their country is in itself disrespectful. “That was an unintended bonus for us! Nobody has suffered more than Colin.”
The spokesperson also announced that Nike would be ramping up production of a new line of knee pads, designed for the upcoming generation of disrespectful anthem-kneelers. It would seem the brand’s signature “swoosh” has been replaced by Colin the “douche.”