NYC Mayor Hints Giving Gift Cards To Rioters Would Stop Them From Looting

gift cards

NEW YORK CITY – Bill de Blasio is New York City’s mayor. Yes, he’s a real piece of work. He consistently sets the standard for being weak, incompetent, lazy, and an appeaser. So, it’s no surprise that he doesn’t fault the criminals who’ve been looting his city for a week now.

“Appeasing the wrong side is my trademark, ” de Blasio said Monday. “That’s why, instead of letting the NYPD do their job and put an end to the destruction these angry protesters have wrought on my town, I’ve got a better idea.”

“Let’s hand out gift cards to all of the rioters,” he continued. “Then they won’t have to steal merchandise. See? It’s a friendly way of telling them, ‘You’re welcome in our stores, but these cards will allow you to enter through the doors, rather than the windows.'”

De Blasio explained that most of the looters he wants to cower to are either in desperate need of Air Jordan’s, or are simply doing some early Christmas shopping in order to avoid the Black Friday chaos in November.

Bill said gift cards for stores like Nike, Sunglass Hut, Target, Zales Jewelry, Apple, Macy’s and CVS would be among his top choices for handouts to appease looters.


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2 Thoughts to “NYC Mayor Hints Giving Gift Cards To Rioters Would Stop Them From Looting

  1. My only question would be, and I think I know the answer already…how would the Texas Rangers handle the riots?

    1. E. Williams

      They sure as hell wouldn’t be giving out gift cards, I can tell you that! LOL

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