CHICAGO – With gunshots ringing out and ambulance sirens in the background, President Obama gave his “pat myself on the back” farewell speech in bullet-riddled Chicago last night. His audience was mesmerized and brought to tears during his 51-minute self-lovefest.
In fact, Obama’s farewell speech clocked in at 10 minutes longer than the farewell speeches of President’s Reagan, Clinton, and Bush combined – proving how great he is. However, if you remove the references of “I” and “Me,” along with the time he spent between remarks, holding his chin high in the air while his fans shouted “Four more beers!”, he spoke for just 17 minutes total.
Halfway through his self-congratulatory speech, the president paused to award himself the distinguished “Greatest President Ever” medal. He almost blushed when telling the crowd that he was the first and only recipient of the award.
And though he’s reminded the nation a million times that he’s the greatest, sources say the president actually awarded himself the medal on his first day in office back in 2009, but this is the first time he’s performed the gesture in public.
He ended his remarks by telling the country that it had been their honor to have him for president these last 8 years, and that now they had a choice to make going forward. Obama told the teary crowd, “You can now choose to live in the real world, or the world that I have created for myself, where everything I touch turns to gold and the world is a better place because of me. It’s up to you.”