WASHINGTON – Noted historian and climate guru Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was interviewed in a town hall meeting on MSNBC recently. While rambling from issue to issue, making it up as she goes, she had a very “Cortez” take on Abraham Lincoln.
“You guys, Abraham Lincoln may very well be alive today if we’d only had sensible gun control measures in effect in the 1860’s. John Wilkes Booth wouldn’t have been able to obtain his AR-15 in the first place. But, like, they didn’t even have universal background checks back then,” AOC mused.
The studio audience applauded and nodded in agreement. Host Chris Hayes then asked how Lincoln would still be alive under her scenario, noting that the former president would be over 200 now.
“Are you sure? I’m not real good with numbers. But if anybody could live to be 200, he could do it because he was a great man.” More audience applauding.
“I’m going to live to be, like, over 200 years-old because I’m smarter than everyone else,” Cortez continued. “And just to be clear, Chris, all of these things I’m saying make sense in my head. If some things I say don’t make sense to some people, they just may not be very smart to begin with. I know what I’m talking about. I’m a bartender.”
AOC finally explained that the Civil War wouldn’t have ever happened if gun confiscation laws had been on the books in the 1800’s. Asked how people of that time would have been able to hunt and kill prey for food without guns, Cortez explained, “With their hands! Duh.”