WASHINGTON – Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s life just keeps getting stranger. Now, she reveals that her fancy DC apartment is haunted. The democratic Einstein showed Instagram fans this week evidence of a monster that lives in a hole in her sink.
“I’m, like, freaking out all the time when I’m here,” she whined. “My place is bougie, but it’s a house of horrors. It’s definitely haunted.” Even after having some features in her apartment identified and explained to her, the New York politician didn’t sound convinced.
“They’re telling me this is a ‘garbage disposal,’ but that doesn’t explain the angry entity that dwells inside of it and growls every time I disturb it with this switch over here. And there’s more. The air temperature, like, changes at a moment’s notice – without me doing anything. Sometimes cooler, sometimes warmer. It’s insane!”
Cortez was mystified by the ‘porcelain chair’ in the bathroom. “What is that for?!” After having the toilet explained to her, she replied,”I don’t fart or do any of that bowel stuff. It’s bad for the planet. Like, I’m not a cow, you know? I don’t want to be part of the problem.”
Alexandria remains convinced her place is haunted. “Recently, my boyfriend flushed that chair thing while I was in the shower. The water got really hot all of a sudden in my shower. Scared the hell out of me! Explain that one to me.”
Finally, she admitted why she was so freaked out by the strange phenomena in her pad. “I grew up in the slums and mean streets of Westchester County. We didn’t have modern conveniences in our million dollar home. I just don’t understand why these things keep happening to me, but I bet, like, Republicans are behind it somehow.”