Officials Announce New ‘Social Justice Distancing’ Rules For Woke Protesters

social justice distancing

SEATTLE – We’re all familiar with ‘social distancing’ guidelines. Now, there are also ‘social justice distancing’ guidelines for the woke among us. City leaders here have outlined new rules for progressive protesters and looters, to keep them safe in the Covid-19 age.

According to a press release on Friday, “If you’re around people in normal situations, the 6′ distance is still optimal between you and others. However, liberal scientists have told us that tests reveal the coronavirus doesn’t spread as easily when faced with social justice.

If you’re a woke millennial, Black Lives Matter activist, or already suffer debilitating white guilt and/or privilege, a distance of 18″ or greater should be sufficient to protect you. These guidelines should help you remain protected, while still allowing for the passing of protest signs or projectiles to those around you.”

The city’s statement concluded by telling those who are social justice distancing: “Remember, the virus is more afraid of you, than you are of it. If you’re demanding that police departments be disbanded, the virus respects that. Also, the virus doesn’t like being called racist. Your ‘woke-i-tude’ and social justice virtue signalling should be enough to protect you. Keep fighting the good fight.”

Finally, a woman on the city council told us, “If you’re protesting, and you feel symptoms of the coronavirus coming on, go stand near a burning business. The virus doesn’t react well to heat.”

Stellar advice, sister.


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