Pantsuit Industry Decimated in Wake of Hillary Loss

CHICAGO – Just as factories were set to launch new designs and fill orders for pantsuits from coast to coast, Hillary Clinton’s loss in the presidential race has shattered an entire industry. Hopes to mainstream the same gaudy garb worn by Hillary have vanished overnight.

South Side Textiles, based out of Hillary’s hometown of Chicago, was shell-shocked by Clinton’s upset loss. “We thought this was in the bag. That’s why we spent millions this year on new equipment and hiring additional workers. Now, we have to lay off thousands,” Nick Cheevers, operations manager for South Side said.

South Side Textiles has been providing Mrs. Clinton with her wardrobe, consisting of colorful pantsuits, $12,000 burlap sacks, and outfits someone commanding the Starship Enterprise would wear, for years.


“Our clothing line is ideal for accentuating the curves of the middle-aged to elderly frumpy, female body. Or it can serve as a fun way to hide your true form from the rest of the world,” Cheevers said.

The defeat of Mrs. Clinton sent shockwaves through the pantsuit industry, from the US to Paris to Beijing. Manufacturers that provide fabric, dyes, and accessories to the industry will all face hard times ahead.

A few industry insiders have quietly hoped that Chelsea Clinton might take up the pantsuit trend in her mother’s footsteps, but, according to Cheevers, “Frankly, I don’t think Chelsea could pull it off the way Hillary did.”


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One Thought to “Pantsuit Industry Decimated in Wake of Hillary Loss

  1. Hey…Chelsea is still relatively young and she’s still squeezing out kids. Give her a few years! She’ll be as overweight as Hillary (I’ve heard she tipped the scales at 209!). At least Hillary can go back to her favorite sport uninterrupted…drinking!

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