Pelosi Still Holding Impeachment Articles Hostage, SWAT Team Called In

WASHINGTON – The Capitol SWAT team has been deployed outside House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s DC apartment as she continued to hold articles of impeachment hostage for a second week. The show of force is in response to Pelosi’s unwillingness to release two articles of impeachment against the president.

So far, Pelosi’s demands have been all over the map. She has demanded the Senate play by her rules, that the Senate trial be rigged in her favor ahead of time, and a fueled up plane waiting on the tarmac.

A SWAT team has set up a secure perimeter around Pelosi’s place, and they’re hoping they can negotiate a peaceful end to the embarrassment the impeachment sham has brought to Nancy and fellow Democrats.

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A hostage negotiator involved in the situation told us, “We’re at a delicate juncture in the process right now. As you know, Nancy can be quite unpredictable and nobody knows what might come out of her mouth next. Her impeachment actions have defied all logic, and it’s always hard negotiating with an insane person.”

Senate leader Mitch McConnell was unsuccessful in his earlier attempt to talk Nancy off the impeachment ledge. “When I heard the Speaker’s demands, I tactfully and respectfully told her she could kiss my white, wrinkled ass.”

As of press time, the standoff continues with no end in sight. The current condition of the articles is unknown. SWAT officials believe Pelosi’s only weapon is a gavel.

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