Got GOYA? Angry Leftists Launch New Hispanic Food Company ANNOYA

CALIFORNIA – GOYA Foods Company is under attack by deranged American leftists after the CEO of the Hispanic Food brand expressed support for President Trump. In response, the Left, led by Hollywood celebs, have decided to launch their own brand of Hispanic foods – ANNOYA. Annoying the public is what liberals and progressives do best. They’re currently pushing a national boycott of GOYA because of their Trump Derangement Syndrome. The new brand promises to be “so woke it will give you insomnia” according to those pushing the boycott. Democrat Alexandria…

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Woke NFL: Players Should Raise Closed Fist When Scoring If They Want Points To Count

closed fist

NEW YORK – In a further effort to show they’ve cowed to the demands of the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement, the NFL has suggested any player scoring a touchdown should raise a closed fist when crossing the goal line – IF they want the points to count for their team. A raised, closed fist is the accepted symbol of black power, the resistance, and wokeness. In addition to playing the Black national anthem before the first game, NFL officials want to remind fans that they can’t truly enjoy a…

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How the Socialist Grinch Almost Stole the 4th of July

socialist grinch

JUST OUTSIDE AMERICAVILLE – The Socialist Grinch was a bitter, ungrateful member of Grinch Lives Matter, who lived next to Mount Trumpit and overlooked the states of Americaville. Each 4th of July, he seethed inside as Americaville celebrated her freedom and independence. Citizens of Americaville celebrated with fireworks, parades, baseball, beer, cookouts, and friends. It was a happy occasion each year, but he couldn’t understand what was so great about Americaville that was worth celebrating. You see, the Socialist Grinch was a product of the university system, where he had…

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Joe Biden: I’ll Put My Cognitive Decline Up Against Anybody’s Cognitive Decline

HIS BASEMENT – Joe Biden’s mental health has been in question throughout his campaign for president. But he’s been able to dodge addressing it until this week. A reporter finally asked him if his elevator still goes to the top floor. And if it does, why is it the slowest elevator in the city? Biden responded by saying he would put his cognitive decline up against anybody’s cognitive decline. “My cognitive ability is being tested constantly,” he insisted. “In fact, I’m being tested at this very moment. While I’m answering…

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Biden Touts Latest CNN Poll Showing Him Leading Trump By 120 Million Percent

120 million

PENNSYLVANIA – Democrat presidential hopeful Joe Biden feels good about his chances to win the White House this fall. The Grand Wizard of the Democratic party poked his head out of his basement, saw his shadow, and predicted six more months of gaffes and/or incomplete thoughts or sentences. However, during his brief appearance outside, Biden touted the latest CNN poll, which shows him with a commanding 120 million percent lead over President Trump. “Have you folks seen this? CNN has crunched the numbers and tell me that I lead in…

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NASCAR Driver Bubba Wallace Insists Snow Cone Cups In Lounge Are KKK Hoods

Bubba

TALLADEGA – The controversy of the “noose” in the garage of NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace continues. Even as 15 FBI agents came to the conclusion that the alleged noose was simply a garage door pull, Wallace insists he is the target of a crime. Bubba appeared on Don Lemon’s show on CNN last night and, since nobody watched it, here is a summary of Wallace’s version of recent events. Lemon: This is unacceptable in our country. Do we know yet if President Trump personally placed the rope in your team’s…

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Seattle’s CHOP: If We Really Focus, We Can Beat Chicago In Shooting Deaths

CHOP

CHOP, CHOP – All is not well in Utopia. CHOP (Capitol Hill Occupied Blah Blah Blah) had multiple shootings over the weekend. One person is dead and several more have serious injuries. It’s a surprising development for anybody that’s not conservative. The upstart territory of anarchists and socialists was supposed to be all rainbows and unicorns. But already CHOP leaders say they’re embarrassed. This is not the way they envisioned their little experiment going. “The headlines about the number of shootings over the weekend in Chicago was a real wake-up…

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Trans Character ‘Aunt Jeremiah’ To Replace Aunt Jemima Likeness, Appease Rage Mob

PHILADELPHIA – The suits at Pepsico/Quaker Foods have cowered to the rage mob of the American Left. The company makes Aunt Jemima products, and has decided to bow to pressure from Black Lives Matter (BLM) and other extremists by replacing the iconic mascot. The likeness of a former slave has been used on the product line for over a century. “We’ve decided to go with ‘Aunt Jeremiah’ as our new mascot for the product line,” a company spokesman said. “Jeremiah is a character who has completed their transition from uncle…

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Statues Have Had It With Leftist Thugs, Statuephobic Anarchists

AMERICA – Statues are under attack around the world from the intolerant Left. However, as more and more of their inanimate friends get torn down, or defaced with paint, statues are starting to stand up for themselves. Statues, even some that have stood in peace for hundreds of years, are being assaulted by psychotic thugs who have developed statuephobia. According to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, the disorder is “an irrational fear of historical figures that can’t fight back.” It falls under the umbrella of conditions caused by the mental…

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President Trump Issues Travel Ban For All Flights In And Out Of CHAZ

chaz

CHAZ, UTOPIA – It’s called CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone). It’s the new capital of Utopia. If you’re progressive, and you have more than one can of spray paint, it’s the new place to be. A land with no laws, no police, and no common sense. But all is not perfect behind the walls of CHAZ. The ‘Liberal Heaven’ is only six city blocks wide. To flourish, CHAZ will need tourism, trade policy, and more graffiti artists. The problem? President Trump has issued a new travel ban for all flights…

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