AOC Brings Awareness To Rashes With ‘Ax The Ich’ Dress At Met Gala

Met Gala

NEW YORK – Democrat Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) attended the Met Gala event this week. The event is a costume party/fundraiser for rich, liberal freaks and/or Democrats. Money raised benefits the Costume Institute here. AOC’s dress caused quite a stir. For some reason, the socialist politician wore a white dress with the words ‘Ax the Ich’ in red letters on her backside. Many attendees promoted various woke causes, but it was strange that Cortez chose the event to bring attention to rashes. “Nobody should have to, like, ich all the time,”…

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Blinken Says About 100 ‘As-Of-Now-Unbeheaded’ Americans Still In Afghanistan

Blinken

WASHINGTON – Antony Blinken, one of the architects of President Joke Biden’s Afghanistan debacle, testified to Congress today. The Secretary of State (SoS) hid behind a Zoom screen for the hearing, instead of appearing in person (because Covid). Under questioning from House members, Blinken spun, dodged, ignored, and deflected any criticism he faced during the appearance. When asked how many Americans are still being held hostage in Afghanistan, Blinken seemed unsure. “We believe there are roughly 100 ‘as-of-now-unbeheaded’ Americans still in the country. But what do I know? We’ve been…

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Biden Considering Using Taliban To Enforce His Tyrannical Vaccine Mandates

tyrannical

WASHINGTON – President Joke Biden needled the unvaccinated in America today. Unveiling his new, tyrannical vaccine mandate program, Biden has decided to rule with an iron fist. “We’ve been patient, but our patience is wearing thin. And your refusal is pissing me off,” he told the un-vaxxed. Biden claimed to follow the science and explained new ways the Delta variant behaves. “We’ve learned that the covid-19 delta strain cannot affect you if you work for a company that has less than 100 employees. That’s why, today, I’m ordering all companies…

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Can Biden Maintain Such A High Level Of Incompetence For Rest Of Term?

incompetence

WASHINGTON – In a little over six months, Joke Biden has set the new standard for incompetence. Past US presidents have shown incompetence in certain areas, but Biden excels in failing in every area. That takes a special gift. But can he keep it up? Biden has wondered the same thing himself recently. “Look, folks, I can’t promise I’ll always be able to be this incompetent. Yes, I really screwed the pooch in Afghanistan. And the border. And the economy. And on COVID-19. This is world-class incompetence. Frankly, I’m exhausted.…

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CNN’s Don Lemon Recommends The Unvaxxed Abstain From Breathing

unvaxxed

NEW YORK – CNN’s Don Lemon is scared to death of COVID. He’s a devoted Fauci-ite. As such, he views the unclean, unwashed, unvaxxed masses as less than human. And if you’re one of those sub-humans, he’s got some unsolicited advice. “I do believe those who choose not to get the shot should not go to the hospital if they get sick,” Lemon told BFF Chris Cuomo on air this week. “I also believe the unvaxxed should follow CDC guidelines by not traveling this Labor Day weekend. But I think…

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Louisianans Grateful Biden Not Calling Shots For Hurricane Ida Evacuations

Hurricane Ida

BATON ROUGE – Millions of residents across the state will thankfully survive the incoming wrath of Hurricane Ida. And after his Afghanistan disaster, most of those Louisianans are thanking God that Joke Biden isn’t overseeing evacuation plans. The president commented on the storm preparations today. “Nobody asked me for help, which is strange,” Biden told reporters. “I would encourage the fine people of Louisiana to shelter in place until the hurricane passes, and THEN I would urge them to get to safety. Some will tell you that’s backwards, but that…

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Biden Variant Responsible For Spike In Death Rates In Afghanistan

Biden variant

KABUL – A new strain of COVID-19 is currently wreaking havoc across Afghanistan. The Biden Variant is the latest version of the CoroNoDontBlameUs virus, which has resulted in a sharp spike in innocent deaths in the region. The Biden Variant was engineered by woke military leaders, and released on the world by US President Joke Biden. It’s a hideous disease. The administration combined incompetence, arrogance, corruption, indifference and stupidity to tweak the latest strain. The Biden Variant was then given to terrorists to serve as carriers of the virus. In…

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Jen Psaki Issues Preferred Descriptors For Those Stranded In Afghanistan

stranded

WASHINGTON – Biden spokesgal Jen Psaki takes issue with the term “stranded” when it comes to Americans stranded in Afghanistan. Because being stranded is not nearly as scary if you don’t define yourself as stranded. Personally, Psaki’s preferred descriptor is “hopelessly delayed.” When those at the Kabul Airport heard this news, they were relieved. Many were said to be less fearful of a torturous death at the hands of the “Tollybon” after hearing Psaki’s new definitions. Jen got her panties twisted when FNC’s Peter Doocy called stranded Americans ‘stranded.’ “These…

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Biden Heads Home To Head Off Taliban Takeover Of Delaware

Taliban takeover

WILMINGTON – President Joke Biden announced today that intelligence officials informed him Taliban fighters are overrunning the state of Delaware. Hearing the news, the president left DC for the state as soon as he finished briefing the country on the mess in Afghanistan. “Those who are saying I’m returning to Delaware for vacation don’t get the intel briefings I get,” Biden angrily told reporters. “I understand these are difficult times in Afghanistan. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow the Tollybon to take Dover! Let’s go, we’re burning…

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Joke Biden Thankful No One Has Questions About His Handling Of Afghanistan Crisis

Afghanistan crisis

WASHINGTON – US President Joke Biden is a grateful man this week. During an interview with George Stephanopoulos, the president reflected on some of the things that surprised him this past week. “George, I was surprised to learn the Tollybon were still a thing in Afghanistan. I was surprised that some think I’m responsible for people who live in that god-forsaken land. But what surprised me the most, is that no one has had any questions for me regarding this whole Afghanistan crisis. I mean, you’re the first one to…

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