President Trump Issues Travel Ban For All Flights In And Out Of CHAZ


CHAZ, UTOPIA – It’s called CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone). It’s the new capital of Utopia. If you’re progressive, and you have more than one can of spray paint, it’s the new place to be. A land with no laws, no police, and no common sense.

But all is not perfect behind the walls of CHAZ. The ‘Liberal Heaven’ is only six city blocks wide. To flourish, CHAZ will need tourism, trade policy, and more graffiti artists. The problem? President Trump has issued a new travel ban for all flights into and out of CHAZ, to start immediately.

The fledgling commune has set up a makeshift runway on E. Pine Street. Obviously, only small aircraft, helicopters, and hot air balloons would be able to attempt a landing anyway. It seems the airline industry in CHAZ has been shut down before it ever got off the ground.

Those who have set up camp in the zone, say the president is profiling them. “This is bullsh*t, man. Trump is profiling those who of us who wear backpacks, cause societal upheaval, never shower, and are self-employed graffiti artists,” said one angry squatter.

It’s all about curb appeal.

Without being able to access the SeaTac Airport, the travel industry is doomed in the area. Progressive tourists will be unable to bring their families to tour and enjoy the splendid squalor of CHAZ.

Travel & Leisure Magazine calls CHAZ “a 4th-world cesspool of bad ideas, bad intentions, and bad hygiene. But filled with amazing chalk artists, poetry gangs, and the highest number of bad acoustic guitar playing anarchists per capita on the planet.”

What does the future hold? Organizers of the area say they’ll have to expand their territory soon. However, the current plan is to wait until every square inch of the six-block area is covered in spray paint. So, about one more week.


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