PUNXSUTAWNEY – Progressive Phil crawled out of his parent’s basement this morning and saw his shadow, meaning there will be six more weeks of whining for the country’s progressives. According to the Liberal Almanac, if Phil emerges from his hole on February 2, and Donald Trump is still president, there will be six more weeks of whining from those like him.
For the past 8 years, the entire time Phil has worked at Starbucks, he hasn’t seen his shadow on this date. This indicated that Obama was still president, things were gloomy, and this made Phil happy – so no need for whining.
However, this past November, on the Election Solstice, things changed and Phil and his friends have been whining ever since. His parents have not only told him to move out, but to get over himself and move on with his life. Phil is having none of it.
So Phil and his kind will continue whining, protesting, and bullying those who don’t agree with them. There will be property damaged and tantrums thrown. But this is how Phil behaves when he doesn’t get his way.
Meanwhile, just like this morning, the sun is shining brightly on a new day in America. And millions are happy that Phil saw his shadow. Maybe Phil was dropped on his head one too many times by New York mayor Bill de Blasio??