“Reality Winner” Busted Leaking Classified Docs, Will Miss Racing in 2017 Belmont Stakes


GEORGIA – While deep into her training for this year’s Belmont Stakes horse race, NSA contractor Reality Winner has been indicted for leaking classified documents to the media regarding Russian hacking in the 2016 presidential election.

Reality Winner is clearly a racehorse’s name, since no parent in their right mind would name their child “Reality.” But why would she leak top secret info? Well, her social media hoofprint does show that the young thoroughbred was a Bernie Sanders backer, and that she refers to President Trump as a “piece of manure.”

With her arrest, Reality Winner has been scratched from this weekend’s Belmont Stakes. The legal trouble is a real shame since she was probably just days away from scoring a part of the $1.5 million purse from the race.

A district court judge asked the defendant to stomp her right hoof  twice if she was admitting to the classified leaking charge, which she did. Winner’s parents are also now under investigation, charged with giving their child an asinine first name.

After a trial, Winner will most likely spend time in a cell with her cousin, Reality Bites.


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