Rick Perry Confirms Liberal Tears to be Used in Fracking Process

WEST TEXAS – Now that President-Elect Trump has named former Texas Governor Rick Perry as his choice to run the Energy Department, you can be sure that many oilfields will be getting very busy starting in 2017. Perry plans to expand drilling and fracking in many areas as America looks to become more energy independent.

One of the problems with the oil extraction technique of “fracking” is that it takes a lot of water to pump into the ground to access harder to reach oil deposits. But, thanks to the collective freak out by liberals over Donald Trump’s election, problem solved.

“We’re going to capture the millions of gallons of liberal tears that continue to flow freely from the tear ducts of butthurt Lefties, and use that liquid in our fracking practices. This will save us literally billions of gallons of water over the years,” Perry said.


Perry also said the new administration would be setting up Liberal Tear Banks in blue states where progressives could go to donate. Each tear bank will contain at least five “crying rooms.” The crying rooms will all have large posters of a smiling Hillary, with the words “45th President of the…oh, never mind” on them.

It’s ironic that the environmental wackos, who hate the fossil fuel industry so much, will play such an important role in the expansion of our own oil production. All thanks to a Trump victory and the emotionally unstable liberals among us.


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2 Thoughts to “Rick Perry Confirms Liberal Tears to be Used in Fracking Process

  1. Brilliant piece! I laugh, I cried, it was better than Cats!

    1. E. Williams

      Thanks! But it was no Hamilton, right?

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