CHICAGO – Dentists across the nation are reporting a huge influx of appointments for root canal procedures, with patients wanting to schedule during the same 7-hour period that CNN will be broadcasting a climate change town hall. Ten 2020 Democratic presidential hopefuls will numb viewers during the event.
Bruce Weaver of the American Dental Association says he’s never seen anything like this. “We’re getting reports from all over the country that dentists are receiving tons of calls for root canal procedures specifically during the CNN climate show. People have already started lining up outside clinics, even though most dental clinics aren’t even open during the hours of the special.”
“Many patients are saying they’re willing to pay extra for root canals if dentists will stay open for the duration of CNN’s horrible business decision. And many of these people have perfectly good teeth! No oral issues, bad teeth, cavities…nothing.”
A man waiting in line outside a dentist’s office in Omaha, told us, “The thought of getting a root canal sounds almost orgasmic compared to listening to those people drone on about something they don’t even understand.”
Another woman said, “I tried to schedule a colonoscopy during the town hall hours, but every butt doctor was booked solid on the day CNN announced they were going to actually broadcast this circus. None of my friends could get appointments for one either.”
She continued, “You know the sounds people make when they’re clearing out their bowels to prep for the procedure? That’s what those candidates sound like when they start spewing their crazy ideas and trillion dollar, fairy-tale costs for their ridiculous plans.”