OMAHA – Researchers at the University of Nebraska Medical Center are confident they’ll be able to come up soon with a vaccine that will counter the coronavirus outbreak. However, those same scientists are far less optimistic about finding a cure for Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS).
Initially, there was hope that whatever vaccine worked to hold the coronavirus at bay could also be infused with a broad-spectrum anti-derangement agent. Unfortunately, the TDS component has failed to show positive results in clinical trials.
“I think we’ll find a suitable vaccine for the coronavirus rather quickly,” Dr. Terry Hansen told colleagues at the facility. “Curing TDS, though, may be a lost cause. The first trials were conducted on lemmings, since their behavior so closely resembles that of the modern Democrat. Those results were disastrous.”
“Next, we conducted human trials, but there was no improvement in a single patient. In the tests, we told participants that Donald Trump had found a cure for the coronavirus bug. Not surprisingly, every one of those infected with TDS whined and complained that either the cure took too long, or they didn’t like the way the president had tweeted the announcement of the cure.”
Dr. Hansen concluded that, “We expect those with TDS to remain miserable and unable to live normal lives as TDS 2.0 arrives this November, when the president wins reelection. We’ll keep working diligently, but many of these TDS patients cannot, or will not, allow themselves to recover. It’s no way to live.”
A tragic situation indeed.