CHOP, CHOP – All is not well in Utopia. CHOP (Capitol Hill Occupied Blah Blah Blah) had multiple shootings over the weekend. One person is dead and several more have serious injuries. It’s a surprising development for anybody that’s not conservative.
The upstart territory of anarchists and socialists was supposed to be all rainbows and unicorns. But already CHOP leaders say they’re embarrassed. This is not the way they envisioned their little experiment going.
“The headlines about the number of shootings over the weekend in Chicago was a real wake-up call,” said Casey Honeycutt, a soy-boy, Antifa member from Tacoma. “If we want this place to be what we really want it to be, we’ve got to bring our A-game, with regards to anarchy and misery.”
“Yes, we’re smaller than Chicago. I get that. But our shooting numbers should be much higher than what they are. I truly believe if we really focus, we can overtake them for the murder capital title. And allowing cops to come into CHOP, that just hurts our chances at hitting that goal.”
Chicago had 100 shootings, with 14 deaths just this past weekend. The numbers have spiked there recently, after the city reopened for gang warfare after the initial Covid-19 lock down period.
Cecily Sexton, a feminist from Yakima, and current resident of CHOP, told us she hopes to be able to report higher numbers in shootings in the near future.
Incidentally, when a resident lies dying following a shooting incident, a community leader leans over them and says solemnly, “I’m sorry, but you’ve been CHOPPED.”