WASHINGTON – Saying it’s the only fair way to end the stalemate between Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the Senate Judiciary Committee agreed to a winner-take-all steel cage death match between the two. Ford has accused Kavanaugh, a Supreme Court nominee, of getting overly frisky with her 36 years ago.
Senator Chuck Grassley told reporters, “I think Brett will take her pretty early on. But to make the match fair, we’re going to allow Ms. Ford to have one of her lawyers (or Senator Dianne Feinstein) present in the cage, so they can tag-team Kavanaugh if they choose to do so.
“Since Ford’s team keeps demanding we rewrite the Constitution to suit her whims before she’ll testify, we felt we had no choice. Let these two gladiators compete in our modern day Thunderdome, with only one of them left standing.”
Ford and her lawyers have been complaining that one week is not enough time to prepare for a cage match. The Judiciary Committee disagrees. And if Ford is a no-show for the match, Kavanaugh will be proclaimed the victor and earn a seat on the Supreme Court.
The hype for this grudge match is high, if only because it’s been 36 years in the making. Game on!