HOLLYWOOD – Singer and recent winner of the Sexiest Woke Man Alive 2019, John Legend, today labelled President Trump “a cancer that needs to be removed.” It should be noted that Legend is NOT an oncologist.
Dr. Bernard Fischer, a real oncologist, disputes Legend’s diagnosis of Trump. “I can tell you without a doubt that the president is NOT a cancer. In fact, he doesn’t need to be removed from office, or anything else, really.”
The Dr. continued, “I can’t ruin old songs by re-writing them to adhere to today’s PC-culture like Mr. Legend can, but I do know how to recognize what is and isn’t cancer. I’d even go so far as to say Mr. Trump is exactly the kind of cancer-killing drug that America needs right now.”
Legend has long hated the president, and this hatred has poisoned his mind. He recently re-wrote the Christmas classic Baby, It’s Cold Outside to be #MeToo-friendly for those on the left. Those on the right will continue to enjoy the original version of the song, thank you very much.
The singer is currently reworking the Christmas classic Do You Hear What I Hear? “My concept for this one is how we can all hear the same thing, but what someone on the right hears in those words may not be what those of us on the left interpret or hear. And the left is always right, as you know. It’s kinda my ode to group think.”
Dr. Fischer concluded, “I’ll never be named ‘Sexiest’ anything, but John Legend will never be an oncologist. He shouldn’t play one on Twitter.”