Statues Have Had It With Leftist Thugs, Statuephobic Anarchists

AMERICA – Statues are under attack around the world from the intolerant Left. However, as more and more of their inanimate friends get torn down, or defaced with paint, statues are starting to stand up for themselves.

Statues, even some that have stood in peace for hundreds of years, are being assaulted by psychotic thugs who have developed statuephobia. According to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, the disorder is “an irrational fear of historical figures that can’t fight back.” It falls under the umbrella of conditions caused by the mental illness known as liberalism.

Recently, images have surfaced that show statues are fed up with the immature behavior. Corbin Davis, an Antifa member in California, tried to sneak up on a statue of President Ronald Reagan last week. “Next thing I knew, I was on the ground. He grabbed my ankle and dragged me across a parking lot. I blacked out for a minute and woke up in a dumpster. My back is pretty scraped up from the asphalt.”

Some of the images are more disturbing. All manner of weaponry are being used to fight back. Every thing from baseball bats to sledgehammers, closed fists, and even the back of the hand have been used against the crybaby activists.

Teri Parks, a college student recently diagnosed with white guilt and a raging case of statuephobic tendencies, found out that rioting isn’t all fun and games. “I was about to dump a bucket of red paint on this female statue, and she bitch-slapped the hell out of me! Somebody told me later she was someone who actually fought against slavery, but I don’t care. She’s a statue, so she has to be destroyed. My cheek is still black and blue.”


No one knows when the insanity will end, so the statues say that until government officials start standing up for them, they’ll keep handing out their own brand of justice.

Across the pond, famous statues have issued their own warning to BLM and other groups – “Come at us, bro.”


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