Swamp Creatures Only Beyond Velvet Rope At McCain Memorial

WASHINGTON – Monitoring his guest list from the afterlife, Senator John McCain used bouncers and velvet rope professionals to make sure those who attended his memorial service were trusted, establishment types from the DC swamp. Specifically, McCain didn’t want Donald Trump to attend.

Bouncers outside Washington National Cathedral screened attendees as they arrived, validating each person’s hatred for President Trump, before they were allowed entry to the service. Those who planned to give speeches trashing the current president on McCain’s behalf were seated in a special VIP section up front.


Ivanka Trump, and husband Jared Kushner, were allowed to attend the service just so they could witness the political shots directed at the president by McCain family and friends.

Throughout the service, humidity levels reached 99% inside the church, due to excessive swampiness. Even the RINO’s were sweating. One person who wasn’t sweating was Sarah Palin. McCain’s 2008 running mate, who the senator dissed from the great beyond, was banned from the memorial.

If an attendees swamp credentials could not be verified, McCain left instructions for bouncers to give the person his trademark thumbs-down gesture.

Because of his criticism of President Trump, before and after his passing, Democrats are now planning on nominating McCain for sainthood.



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