Trump Says 2018 So Bright We’ve Gotta Wear Shades


MAR-A-LAGO – As America rang in the new year, President Trump told the country “2018’s so bright, we’ve gotta wear shades.” Referencing a song by the ’80’s group Timbuk 3, he said 2018 will be a stellar one for both the American economy and the country’s standing in the world. He conceded that the haters would continue to be “blinded by the light,” to “trip the merry-go-round,” and remain in the dark as to why he won the presidency in the first place. Trump said those in the fake news…

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2017: Hillary Clinton Celebrates Another Year Not Spent in Prison


NEW YORK – “I still don’t know how I did it!” the two-time presidential loser remarked about the fact that she still isn’t in prison as 2018 arrives. “The evidence against me is overwhelming and, after Trump took office, I just knew my luck would run out this year. Thank God for Jeff Sessions, huh?!” As a new year approaches, most people look back to assess whether the closing year was a good one or a bad one for them personally. For Hillary Clinton, the determining factor every year is…

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