Members Of Antifa Already Showing Signs Of Trump Withdrawal

Trump withdrawal

PORTLAND – While the presidential election is still not certified, President Trump faces an uphill fight to prove voter fraud charges. For Democrats, they’re already living in a world with Joe Biden in charge. But life will not be all rainbows and unicorns for those on the left. Doctors nationwide are already reporting a spike in Trump Withdrawal Symptoms (TWS). TWS is a condition found in those suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), for which there is no cure. Dr. Paul Bennett, who has a practice in Portland, said, “I’m…

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Big Pharma Working On Voter Fraud Vaccine For Democrat Activists

big pharma

PHILADELPHIA – There’s a cancer in our election process, and it’s called Voter Fraud. The main carriers of this disease are Democratic operatives and activists. Symptoms include ballot stuffing in the middle of the night and prematurely referring to one’s favored candidate as “president-elect.” It’s a nasty, disgusting condition. And now, several big pharmaceutical companies are joining efforts to develop a vaccine to treat voter fraud. Pfizer is having good results with a possible coronavirus vaccine, so researchers are turning their attention to curing voter fraud. One big pharma researcher…

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Joe Biden Claims Voters Have Given Him An Old Man(date) For Change

old man

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden is getting a little ahead of himself these days. He hasn’t won the White House yet. However, he’s acting like he already has. Secret Service has upped security on Biden. In addition, airspace has been restricted over his basement. And now, Joe is claiming that the election proves voters have given him an old man(date) for progressive change. “I’m an old man,” Biden told reporters. “I get it. And when a president wins, they like to say they were given a mandate for change. So,…

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Joe Biden Fires Two Shotgun Blasts Into Air After Reporter Asks About Hunter

shotgun

CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Democrat Joe Biden still feels the best way to scare off unwanted intruders is to fire two shotgun blasts in the air. While Biden loves the state-run media that runs cover for him, any reporter who asks about his son is seen as a threat. A reporter asked Joe about the corruption scandal regarding the Biden family. Without missing a beat, Joe shocked everyone when he pulled a shotgun from behind the podium. The former VP quickly fired two blasts into the air, even before the reporter…

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Biden Exposes Dems As Chump-A-Phobes During Small Rally

chump

PENNSYLVANIA – Presidential candidate is spilling dirty little secrets about his party at his few public appearances. This weekend, he called Trump supporters ‘chumps.’ And he’s clearly worried about them. Speaking from the Great Pumpkin Patch to a small gathering of scarecrows, he said, “What do we as Democrats do to someone who doesn’t agree with our views? That’s right. We name-call. Because that’s all we’ve got. But it’s worked well for us so far! We shame them into surrendering to our position. I love how we just add ‘phobe’…

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Twitter Fact Check: Joe Biden Was Never Vice President

TWITTERVERSE – Democrat Joe Biden is in a heap of trouble these days. The presidential candidate and his son Hunter have been accused of some pretty bad behavior. It seems Hapless Joe has been accused of using the Biden name to enrich his own family for decades. The damning evidence on a “laptop from Hell,” as Joe calls it, could hurt Democrats’ chances of winning the White House in a couple of weeks. Fortunately for the Biden’s, the arbiters of truth in our society, Twitter and Facebook, have Joe’s back.…

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Biden On Excessive Force: Cops Could Be Trained To ‘Just Kick ‘Em In The ‘Nads’

excessive force

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden made headlines this week for stating that cops need to be retrained to eliminate the use of excessive force. It’s part of his “kinder, gentler reimagining of the police.” And based on testimony from Tara Reade, Biden is an expert on excessive force. The presidential candidate said recently that cops shouldn’t shoot to kill when dealing with a criminal. He suggested police shoot a suspect in the leg instead – if they’re black. If they’re white, police are free to shoot wherever. “I don’t know…

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Debate: Pence Hopes Plexiglass Will Protect Him From STD From Kamala

plexiglass

SALT LAKE CITY – During last-minute preparations for the VP debate here tonight, Vice President Mike Pence had a few questions. Mostly about health and safety. Mostly about the plexiglass partition that will separate he and his opponent, Kamala Harris. “Forget Covid,” the Vice President said. “From what I’ve heard over the years, I’m more worried about catching a STD from Senator Harris. I know her a little bit, but God knows where she’s been. I could tell you some stories that even make me blush.” The VP wondered aloud…

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What’s Wrong With Him? Biden Won’t Stop Calling Lids

DELAWARE – On the eve of the first 2020 presidential debate, rumors keep swirling around Joe Biden’s mental state. The main concern for many is that the Democrat nominee won’t stop calling Lids – the cap store located in many shopping malls. He’s called them almost half the days in September alone. Usually, Biden calls Lids early in the morning. Speaking to CNN’s Jake Tapper over the weekend, Dr. Jill Biden tried to downplay her husband’s behavior. “Look, Jake, Joe loves hats. Simple as that. And when he sees one…

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CNN: Authorities Intercept Package Of ‘Mostly Peaceful’ Ricin Meant For Trump

package

NEW YORK – It was learned on Saturday that a package addressed to President Trump earlier in the week contained the toxic poison ricin. Fortunately, law enforcement agents intercepted the package before it reached the White House. While the poison can be deadly to humans, even in the smallest amounts, CNN is reporting that the ricin has been tested and was deemed to be ‘mostly peaceful.’ Mostly peaceful ricin is apparently a new strain of the poison. So new, in fact, that law enforcement didn’t know about it. “This is…

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