White House: Drone Attack Was Mercy Killing To Save 10 From Being Killed Later By Taliban

drone attack

WASHINGTON – Following the deaths of 13 US military members in Afghanistan, President Joke Biden needed a distraction. He needed to drone attack somebody over there – anybody. Then claim it was some really bad guys. After getting caught lying about who they killed in the drone attack, the spin was on. General Mark Milley, a self-described Paul Revere, said the attack was supposed to take out those who planned the Kabul Airport attack. Instead, Biden’s drone strike killed an aid worker and 9 others, including 7 children. “While unfortunate,…

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Blinken Says About 100 ‘As-Of-Now-Unbeheaded’ Americans Still In Afghanistan

Blinken

WASHINGTON – Antony Blinken, one of the architects of President Joke Biden’s Afghanistan debacle, testified to Congress today. The Secretary of State (SoS) hid behind a Zoom screen for the hearing, instead of appearing in person (because Covid). Under questioning from House members, Blinken spun, dodged, ignored, and deflected any criticism he faced during the appearance. When asked how many Americans are still being held hostage in Afghanistan, Blinken seemed unsure. “We believe there are roughly 100 ‘as-of-now-unbeheaded’ Americans still in the country. But what do I know? We’ve been…

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Biden Variant Responsible For Spike In Death Rates In Afghanistan

Biden variant

KABUL – A new strain of COVID-19 is currently wreaking havoc across Afghanistan. The Biden Variant is the latest version of the CoroNoDontBlameUs virus, which has resulted in a sharp spike in innocent deaths in the region. The Biden Variant was engineered by woke military leaders, and released on the world by US President Joke Biden. It’s a hideous disease. The administration combined incompetence, arrogance, corruption, indifference and stupidity to tweak the latest strain. The Biden Variant was then given to terrorists to serve as carriers of the virus. In…

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Jen Psaki Issues Preferred Descriptors For Those Stranded In Afghanistan

stranded

WASHINGTON – Biden spokesgal Jen Psaki takes issue with the term “stranded” when it comes to Americans stranded in Afghanistan. Because being stranded is not nearly as scary if you don’t define yourself as stranded. Personally, Psaki’s preferred descriptor is “hopelessly delayed.” When those at the Kabul Airport heard this news, they were relieved. Many were said to be less fearful of a torturous death at the hands of the “Tollybon” after hearing Psaki’s new definitions. Jen got her panties twisted when FNC’s Peter Doocy called stranded Americans ‘stranded.’ “These…

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Biden Heads Home To Head Off Taliban Takeover Of Delaware

Taliban takeover

WILMINGTON – President Joke Biden announced today that intelligence officials informed him Taliban fighters are overrunning the state of Delaware. Hearing the news, the president left DC for the state as soon as he finished briefing the country on the mess in Afghanistan. “Those who are saying I’m returning to Delaware for vacation don’t get the intel briefings I get,” Biden angrily told reporters. “I understand these are difficult times in Afghanistan. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow the Tollybon to take Dover! Let’s go, we’re burning…

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Joke Biden Thankful No One Has Questions About His Handling Of Afghanistan Crisis

Afghanistan crisis

WASHINGTON – US President Joke Biden is a grateful man this week. During an interview with George Stephanopoulos, the president reflected on some of the things that surprised him this past week. “George, I was surprised to learn the Tollybon were still a thing in Afghanistan. I was surprised that some think I’m responsible for people who live in that god-forsaken land. But what surprised me the most, is that no one has had any questions for me regarding this whole Afghanistan crisis. I mean, you’re the first one to…

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