Congressman Conyers’ Pastor: I Said Put Hands Up ‘High,’ Not Thigh

Conyers

DETROIT – Even the biggest gropers in our society know not to grope in church. Most of them know, anyway. Representative John Conyers, congressman from Detroit since the Middle Ages, has a new accuser who says he put his hand up her skirt during a church service. Conyers’ pastor wondered if the congressman may be hard of hearing. “I remember that sermon, and I clearly said to the congregation, ‘If the spirit moves you to, put your hands up high,’ not ‘put your hands up thigh.’ Personally, I don’t see…

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Conyers, Franken to Lead Congressional Committees of Perverse Politicians

Conyers

WASHINGTON – Self-anointed ladies men, Michigan congressman John Conyers and Minnesota senator Al Franken, have been picked to head the newly created (but much needed) Congressional Committees of Perverse Politicians (CCPP). Conyers will serve as the top Democrat on the House side, while Franken will preside over gropers in the Senate. Conyers, known for taking meetings with staffers in his underwear, says the committees will focus on teaching members of both parties how to spin accusations, smear accusers, and write pretend apologies so they can weather bad press but keep…

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Perv Al Franken: The Video Was Funnier, Shows Me Saying Honk, Honk

MINNESOTA – Senator Al Franken, busted today for a photo showing him groping Leeann Tweeden in 2006 while she was sleeping on a flight back from the Middle East, says the public would get the joke if they could just see the video of the incident. “The photo alone makes me look really creepy and perverted,” Franken admitted, “But the video is what everybody needs to see. It’s much funnier. Right after the shot in the photo was taken, I said ‘honk, honk!’ as I squeezed my hands over her…

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