Michigan Gov Whitmer Hires Liam Neeson In Case She Gets Taken

LANSING – Last week, a plot to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen (Cruella) de Whitmer was foiled by law enforcement officials. The plot was planned by a far-left group of anarchists who wanted to overthrow the government. However, the would-be kidnappers fought the law….and the law won. Still, Cruella was shaken by the revelation. So much so that she’s now hired actor Liam Neeson as her personal bodyguard. You may remember Neeson is famous for his roles in the movies Taken, Taken 2, and Taken 3. He’s currently working on the…

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Democrat Jerry Nadler Explains The Myths Of The Sun, Riots

myths

WASHINGTON – Democrat Jerry Nadler made headlines this week by insisting the Portland Riots, now in their third month, are myths. As are any other riots in any other Democratic-run cities. But those aren’t the only myths Nadler claims are out there. A man told Jerry that tons of video proof exists of the violence by socialist-democrat-anarchists in Portland and other cities. “Those are myths,” Nadler shot back. “Just like the sun is a myth.” The man countered, saying, “The sun is right over that direction. You can see it…

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Statues Have Had It With Leftist Thugs, Statuephobic Anarchists

AMERICA – Statues are under attack around the world from the intolerant Left. However, as more and more of their inanimate friends get torn down, or defaced with paint, statues are starting to stand up for themselves. Statues, even some that have stood in peace for hundreds of years, are being assaulted by psychotic thugs who have developed statuephobia. According to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, the disorder is “an irrational fear of historical figures that can’t fight back.” It falls under the umbrella of conditions caused by the mental…

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President Trump Issues Travel Ban For All Flights In And Out Of CHAZ

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CHAZ, UTOPIA – It’s called CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone). It’s the new capital of Utopia. If you’re progressive, and you have more than one can of spray paint, it’s the new place to be. A land with no laws, no police, and no common sense. But all is not perfect behind the walls of CHAZ. The ‘Liberal Heaven’ is only six city blocks wide. To flourish, CHAZ will need tourism, trade policy, and more graffiti artists. The problem? President Trump has issued a new travel ban for all flights…

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