Seattle’s CHOP: If We Really Focus, We Can Beat Chicago In Shooting Deaths


CHOP, CHOP – All is not well in Utopia. CHOP (Capitol Hill Occupied Blah Blah Blah) had multiple shootings over the weekend. One person is dead and several more have serious injuries. It’s a surprising development for anybody that’s not conservative. The upstart territory of anarchists and socialists was supposed to be all rainbows and unicorns. But already CHOP leaders say they’re embarrassed. This is not the way they envisioned their little experiment going. “The headlines about the number of shootings over the weekend in Chicago was a real wake-up…

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Statues Have Had It With Leftist Thugs, Statuephobic Anarchists

AMERICA – Statues are under attack around the world from the intolerant Left. However, as more and more of their inanimate friends get torn down, or defaced with paint, statues are starting to stand up for themselves. Statues, even some that have stood in peace for hundreds of years, are being assaulted by psychotic thugs who have developed statuephobia. According to the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, the disorder is “an irrational fear of historical figures that can’t fight back.” It falls under the umbrella of conditions caused by the mental…

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Poll: Democrats Rate Chants As Biggest Threat To Mankind


NORTH CAROLINA – Following President Trump’s latest rally here, new polling of Democratic voters suggests that ‘chants’ are now the number one threat against every living creature on the planet. Chants of “Send her back!” by the rally crowd sent Socialist Democrats into all-out panic mode. The chant was referring to anti-American congresswoman Ilhan Omar’s past remarks, but the Party and media decided it was based instead on racial bias. According to a Gallup flash poll taken after the rally, ‘chants’ have surpassed climate chaos as the main issue that…

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Leftists Outraged Over Mob Label, Prefer Calling Activists Flash Mobs

ATLANTA – Media types, especially those at CNN, can’t bear to hear of Antifa-types being labeled as ‘mobs.’ Besides, just because a group of hateful people walks like a mob, and talks like a mob, doesn’t mean it’s a mob. Right? “I don’t like the ‘M’ word. I prefer to refer to them as flash mobs,” CNN’s Brooke Baldwin admitted. “They’re just a bunch of people who spontaneously decide to harass, attack, and fight Trump supporters. A true mob would be made up of a bunch of angry people suddenly…

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Get Your Fight On This Summer and Cruise On the Carnival Antifa

MIAMI – In the last few weeks, people on cruise ships have been fighting each other, and one woman even smacked a dude across the face with a wine bottle. Carnival Cruise Lines believes they’ve identified a niche in their industry that’s not being served. Introducing the Carnival Antifa, the cruise company’s latest addition to the Carnival fleet, a ship designed especially for the fascist, anti-fascist Antifa gang. You can fight to your heart’s content and go ape-wild on either 7 or 10-day cruises through the Gulf of Mexico, the…

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Next Up: Left-Wing Fascists Want All Statues of Rodin’s “The Thinker” Removed


BOSTON – During the free speech rally here today, numerous anti-free speech, urine-throwing ANTIFA protesters said Confederate statue destruction is just the start. Next, the hate group wants to get rid of all statues of Rodin’s famous The Thinker. Why? ANTIFA peeps don’t like thinking very much. Lionel Durrell, a paid protester from New Jersey, said the sculpture represents thinking for oneself, and there’s no room for that in our world today. Others in the vicinity of Durrell supported his logic. “You know that one with the dude who looks like…

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Anti-Trump Media Explain Charlottesville Violence in Pictures

VIRGINIA – If you’re one of those people who don’t watch CNN, MSNBC, PBS or any of the big network news shows, you might not know what really happened in Charlottesville last weekend. So, according to the media outlets named above, here is their take on the ‘one-sided’ violence, as explained with pictures of the event:             This is their version of events as they happened in Charlottesville, and the mainstream media is sticking to it. So, if you’re a Trump supporter, we’re sorry that…

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Statueism, Statuephobia Reaching Epidemic Levels Among American Left

DURHAM – Hatred and fear of statues has reached a fever pitch among liberal activists these days. Psychiatrists are seeing skyrocketing numbers in cases of statueism and statuephobia, in addition to the basic mental illness of liberalism, especially in poorly educated, college millennials. Statueism is defined as “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against an inanimate sculpture, based on the fact that it hurts one’s feelings.” Statuephobia is defined as “an extreme or irrational fear of statues, especially those of historical figures.” Not understanding how to deal with their intolerance and…

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Liberal Supremacist and White Supremacist Groups Clash in Asshole Olympics

CHARLOTTSVILLE – The Asshole Olympics were held this weekend in Virginia, and both sides brought their “A” game. White supremacists faced off against liberal supremacists (those who like to call themselves anti-fascists, or as the media call them, “counter-protesters,” and the results were explosive. While the vast majority of America shook its collective head, the two fringe groups punched, kicked, and mowed each other down with as much hate and anger as they could muster. The competition left several players dead and numerous others with serious injuries. The battle of…

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Some Progressives Unaware ‘The Purge’ Was Just a Movie


WASHINGTON – Apparently, many on the left were not aware that The Purge was just a movie, and is not a thing in real life. The shooting of a congressman, and other Republicans, by a crazy progressive, shows us that. Many in the fascist antifa movement even dress just like characters from The Purge movies. And based on their actions, they act like “purging” their enemies is an actual event. The left has tried to turn the spotlight back on the right, blaming President Trump’s rhetoric for their craziness. It just…

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